


inflate

by sevenmuses (virgonoir)



Series: shut up and ball [2]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-03-12 06:12:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13541403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virgonoir/pseuds/sevenmuses
Summary: Everything was smooth sailing until their careers caught up with them.





	1. patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys... omfg here it is... the second installment of shut up and ball!!!
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> you dont have to read season opener but its advised,,,
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> anyway,, i hope you guys are ready for an emotional ride!!
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> tw / mentions of vomiting

 

 

_seven months later_

 

 

 

Jaebum had practice five days a week. Ever since their winning streak this season, their coach thought it would be an amazing idea to add more days. The times varies, though, it all depended on what Coach Huang was feeling that day. To Coach, the players were expected to drop any activity and make their way into practice. If they were to be late, ask for it off or just skip it without a word, they will have to wait for the next season to play once again. It was a brutal system but without this, their team wouldn’t be as amazing as they currently are. For Jaebum, it wasn’t difficult to drop everything, but now with Jinyoung in his life, it’s been the hardest thing. The amount of dinners he had missed with Jinyoung, the amount of times he had to leave in the middle of a date, the amount of times he had left Jinyoung by himself was enough for the younger to grow tired.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum says his name into the phone. Jinyoung knows that voice. He’s heard it the first time Jaebum had to ditch him for practice. “Babe, I’ll be home in twenty minutes, okay?”

Sometimes it was truly twenty minutes, sometimes it was forty, sometimes two hours, and sometimes Jinyoung would have to go to bed by himself.

“Yeah, Jaebum-hyung, I know.”

There was a long pause. The faint scratching of Nora, Odd and Kunta against their post, the cheerful laugher of Jaebum’s teammates were heard in the background.

Jaebum inhaled sharply before saying, “Wait for me.”

“When have I not.”

Jaebum says he’ll see Jinyoung at home before finally hanging up. Jinyoung stares at his phone blankly, his vision blurring from the hot tears that are threatening to spill. He just wants to yell at Jaebum, telling him that’s he’s had enough, but it wouldn’t be fair to Jaebum. The elder has no other choice than to practice. Basketball is his career, it’s what he worked hard for all his life, his passion, his drive to continue living; Jinyoung would be the scum beneath Jaebum’s feet if he were to pin their withering relationship on him. A tear finally falls, it finds its way to the kimchi jjigae Jinyoung prepared for dinner. It’s completely cold now, just like the rest of the house. He sighs, wiping his eyes from the tears that want to travel down his cheek. Shaking away the sadness, he sits up and goes straight to the kitchen, grabbing some pieces of paper towel to cover the food. While ripping the paper towel from the roll, he decides to also retrieve a notepad and pen from their drawer of miscellaneous things.

After covering the food, he sits back down and begins to write.

_Jaebum-hyung,_

_Next time, just tell me you’ll be coming home. Don’t give me a time because I don’t want my hopes to be up for the nth time. I’ll probably be asleep by the time you read this. Please don’t wake me up._

_I love y-_

Jinyoung lets out a deep sigh, looking at the note. ‘This isn’t even his fucking fault, what is wrong with you, Park Jinyoung?’ He asks himself while yanking the piece of paper and crumpling up with an angered fist. Slowly breathing in and out, he calms himself down before he starts to write again.

_Jaebummie-hyung,_

_I’ll probably be asleep while you’re reading this. Eat well. Love you~_

 

/

 

Jaebum enters his condominium in a hasty manner, quickly stepping out of his stinky shoes and dropping his duffle bag on the floor and tossing his hydroflask onto the couch, not wanting to make Jinyoung wait any longer. He stops his stealthy movements when he turns to his left to see food covered up and a Jinyoung-less dining table. Sighing, he looks up to the clock Jinyoung forced him to set up the first month they were dating.

11:45 PM

Fuck. Jaebum wants to pull his fucking hair out. He made Jinyoung wait for more than what he told him. _Again_. He lets out a grunt of disappointment. “God damn it, Im Jaebum. You’ve got one fucking job.” He curses at himself while he treads to the table, shoulder’s heavy with guilt. When he get closer, a neon yellow post-it catches his eyes. He picks it up and begins to read it.

Reading the last word, he could feel his heart getting stabbed with thorns of the finest roses while plumpeting to the ground. He slams the note down causing the table to shake. Angered tears want to spill, so he just lets them.

He doesn’t deserve Jinyoung at all. Not even one bit.

Packing the last of the food into the tupperware, he peaks into his bedroom, hoping to catch a glimpse of Jinyoung wrapped in the duvet, sleeping peacefully. And he does. He can feel his heart clench as he continues to look at Jinyoung. His fringe all over the place, his pink lips slightly parted and one arm cradling Kunta.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Jaebum looks over the new practice schedule and just wants to fucking crumple the damn thing._ Five times a week and times are up to Huang? _Jaebum just scoffs and lets the paper fall onto the ground._

_Mark catches his reaction and makes his way to Jaebum. He sits himself next to him and begins to speak, “I know, it’s so stupid. I told my uncle that he should set up a proper schedule rather than make it up as the days go, but you know how he is.” He leans down and sets his elbows on thighs._

_“It’s fine. I just- I don’t know how to tell Jinyoung.” Jaebum looks at Mark, worry filling his eyes. Jinyoung has been more than patient with Jaebum and he knows for a fact that he doesn’t deserve it at all._

_“He’ll understand.” Mark tells his friend, hoping to ease the worry._

_“Exactly, and that’s the worst part. He always understands.”_

_“I don’t get it.” Mark lets out a dry laugh._

_“He_ rarely _gets mad me. Whenever I fuck up, he’s the one that says sorry for not being more understanding or he’s sorry for not being supportive enough. The things I do should be making him mad but he doesn’t even bat an eyelash. He just takes it and lives with it. It’s not right.” Jaebum stresses. His eyes shut closed, irritated at himself for letting Jinyoung act this way. “I want him to get mad at me, I want him to feel anger towards me. I want to know that I’ve made mistakes so I can fix them.” Jaebum cards his fingers through his hair and lets out a long sigh. “The worst thing is, I know one day, he’ll just blow up and everything will go down hill from there.”_

_“I don’t know what to tell you, Jaebum. But I know you’ll figure it out.”_

_“I don’t think I can, Mark.”_

 

* * *

 

He can feel Nora follow him as he walks into the bedroom. All the lights are on and the curtains are drawn out. Jinyoung always did this when he knows Jaebum will be coming home late and it makes Jaebum feel even worse about everything. He closes the curtains then turns off the lights as he makes his way to the bed. Nora follows suit then hops onto the foot on the bed by Jaebum’s side. Carefully lifting the duvet, he sees Odd snuggled up against Jinyoung’s back. It was Odd’s favourite place and Jaebum doesn’t blame it, Jinyoung’s back is the warmest.

“Hyung?” Jinyoung stirs slightly, waking up from the shuffling of the sheets. His voice is groggy and filled with exhaustion. All Jaebum wants to do right now is have Jinyoung wrapped in his arms, slowly rocking him to sleep.

“It’s me.” Jaebum says, finally going under the covers.

“I missed you.” Jinyoung tells him, turning around to face Jaebum with a sleeping Kunta cradled in his arms.

Jaebum sighs then reaches to place a hand on Jinyoung’s plush cheek, “I missed you more.” A soft smile creeps onto his face as Jinyoung nuzzles his cheek into Jaebum’s hand.

“Really?” Jinyoung asks him, eyes fluttering closed.

“I always miss you.” He whispers as he watches Jinyoung fall back into sleep.

 

/

 

“Hyung! Don’t you have practice today? Wake up!” Jinyoung screeches into Jaebum’s ear while shaking his body to full consciousness. “Babe!”

“Jinyoung, stop! It’s Saturday, I’ve got a day off.” Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s wrists and pry his hands off his shoulders. He groans as he rubs his eyes, getting rid of the last bit of sleep.

Jinyoung instantly apologizes, begging for forgiveness. His voice is so sweet and innocent that it turns Jaebum into putty in Jinyoung’s hands. The younger leaves slobbery kisses all over Jaebum’s face, saying he’s sorry after every other one. Jaebum is annoyed with the excess saliva but when Jinyoung finally stops, Jaebum is instantly begging for more.

“Kiss me more.” Jaebum pleads, moving his hands onto Jinyoung’s waist, forcing him to straddle his lap above the sheets. And Jinyoung does so, settling his hands onto Jaebum’s broad chest.

“No, my breath stinks.” Jinyoung rejects him, giving him a disgusted look while slapping his right pectoral.

Jaebum scoffs, completely ignoring the slight pain. “With the amount of times I’ve kissed you after you’ve eaten my ass, you think I’m scared of morning breath?” He teasingly asks him, a devious smirk creeping on his face.

“That doesn’t count!” Jinyoung shrieks, covering his face, hiding his reddened face from Jaebum.

“I didn’t even get a kiss Good Night yesterday.” Jaebum pouts, removing his hands from Jinyoung’s waist and bringing them to his forearms, removing his hands from his face. Jinyoung looks at Jaebum blankly and immediately, he regrets mentioning last night.

Finally making movement, Jinyoung raises an eyebrow at him, giving Jaebum the expression of disbelief. “Maybe if you came home earlier you would have gotten one.” Jinyoung scoffs and gets off Jaebum’s lap. “I’m gonna get breakfast started.” He instantly turns around and walks out of Jaebum’s bed room, not letting Jaebum get a word in.

Jaebum wants to be happy that Jinyoung is showing some sort of anger towards him, but he knows that Jinyoung is about to reach the climax. One more thing will push Jinyoung over the edge and it makes Jaebum shiver just thinking about it.

He just sighs, closing his eyes. A memory creeps into his mind, their first fight. It wasn’t much of a fight but it showed Jaebum what Jinyoung had endured in his past relationships. It was only three months after they began to date, it was a game night and Jaebum decided to go to a different bar, one that was more hyped, had more dancing, more drinks, and more girls who (Jinyoung thought) might have Jaebum’s testosterone levels sky rocket. Luckily, Jaebum didn’t do anything remotely stupid but he did happen to stumble into Jinyoung’s apartment completely shit faced.

 

* * *

 

 

_Jinyoung opened the door while rubbing on his eye, slumber still lingering in his system. It all rushes away once he sees Jaebum completely absorbed with alcohol, leaning against the door frame._

_“Jinyoung-ie.” He breathes, his sharp alcohol breath slaps Jinyoung in the face, causing the younger to retreat._

_“What the fuck, hyung? Get in.” Jinyoung opens the door wider and once Jaebum gets in, he slightly steps out, inspecting the hallway, making sure no one saw a fucking basketball star enter his apartment. They couldn’t risk anyone finding out about him and Jaebum. No one knew except for Mark and Jackson and they intend to keep it that way until Jaebum is ready to come out._

_When Jinyoung turns around and locks the door he finds Jaebum crawling his way to the couch and Jinyoung does everything he can to stop himself from dragging Jaebum across the living room, into the hallway and into the restroom to dump him into the tub._

_“Jinyoung-ie.” Jaebum calls for him again while only a few more feet away from the couch. Jinyoung just shakes his head in response and briskly walks to the kitchen to retrieve a water bottle and a plastic bag for Jaebum._

_Once he returns to the living room, he shockingly finds Jaebum laying on the couch on his side, back facing away from him. He lets out an aspirated sigh and makes his way to Jaebum._

_“Hyung.” Jinyoung sits on the floor beside Jaebum’s back. “Hey,” He calls out, putting a hand on Jaebum’s shoulder to shake him._

_Jaebum grumbles in return and slowly turns around to face Jinyoung. He opens his eyes languidly, “Hi,” He whispers._

_Jinyoung stares at Jaebum and stops himself from lecturing him. It clearly isn’t the time to yell at Jaebum because at this rate, Jaebum won’t remember a single thing in the morning. So instead, he helps Jaebum get rid of his jacket and his denim jeans, wanting Jaebum to be comfortable. After doing so, he helps Jaebum sit up so he finally drink some water. Right when Jinyoung sets the lip of the bottle by Jaebum’s mouth, he grabs the bottle, nearly drinking all the water in one gulp. Jaebum sweetly asks for another and Jinyoung can’t say no. He gives him his second bottle and finishes it quickly too, but doesn’t ask for another. Finally finished with helping Jaebum settle himself, he goes into the storage cabinet in the hallway and grabs a blanket. When he returns, Jaebum is softly snoring, snuggling against Jinyoung’s favorite throw pillow. Shaking his head, he tucks Jaebum him and then makes this way back to his room._

_The next morning, Jinyoung wakes up to hearing someone yack. He grunts while throwing the sheets behind him, why did he have to get the room right next to the damn bathroom._

_Stepping into his house slippers, he drags his feet to the restroom to find Jaebum hugging the toilet._

_Before he could say anything, Jaebum throws up, his whole head about to get dunked into the vomit filled toilet. A few moments later, Jaebum grabs toilet paper and wipes his mouth, still sitting on the floor._

_“Hyung, get up.” Jinyoung finally speaks up._

_Jaebum makes no movement, completely still._

_“Hyung, get up.” He repeats, voice a little more stern, arms folded across his chest. Sadly, there’s still no movement. If Jinyoung wanted to be a good boyfriend, he would pick Jaebum up, give him a bath, brush his teeth for him, and make breakfast for him. But right now, he has no motivation. Jaebum might have slipped up last night, might have mentioned something about him and Jinyoung, and the fact that he probably took a taxi here is just the cherry on top. With people knowing who Jaebum is, it just makes Jinyoung want to punch the wall. There’s too much at stake here._

_“Why is Jaebum here?” Jinyoung turns around to see Jackson, peering over his shoulder._

_“He got shit faced and ended up here.”_

_“What the fuck? Why the hell would he come here?”_

_“You think I wanna know? This literally risks everything.” Jinyoung scoffs then side steps away from Jackson’s way and back into his room._

_Completely under the duvet, he could still hear their muffled voices. Jackson most likely forcing Jaebum onto his feet and making him gargle some water to rid his mouth of the vomit. Moments later, Jinyoung hears his door hinges creak, causing him to move the duvet just under his eyes._

_A more sober Jaebum walks in with Jackson behind him. Jackson whispers something into Jaebum’s ear and he nods in response. Jackson pushes the elder past the threshold then surries back into his room, quickly shutting the door._

_“Um,” Jaebum starts, looking down to the floor while scratching the back of his head, “I’m really sorry about last night.”_

_“You shouldn’t have came here.” Jinyoung says, sitting up, letting the duvet fall onto his lap._

_“I know, I just wasn’t thinking.” Jaebum moves closer, sitting on the foot of Jinyoung’s bed._

_“You shouldn’t have gotten shit faced either. You probably told someone about me. How else would you have explained the fact that you wouldn’t going home that night. Most likely said some shit like, ‘Oh this address? It’s my boyfriend’s address’. God! Im Jaebum!” Jinyoung is seething, hands fisted in the sheets, knuckles turning white. “This seriously risks everything, hyung. I know you’re not ready to come out, so why do shit like this?”_

_“Jinyoung… I didn’t say anything. I probably said it’s my friend’s house.”_

_“‘Probably’” Jinyoung says with air quotations, “That’s the problem.”_

_“If you want, I’ll call my teammate, asking if I said anything stupid. I swear on my life I didn’t fuck up.” Jaebum pleads._

_Jinyoung sighs, looking at Jaebum’s watering eyes. “I-I, no, if you,” Jinyoung sighs again, “If you know, then I mustn't doubt you.”_

_Jinyoung wants to believe him, he really does. But at the same time, they shouldn’t let assumptions ruin a relationship that just started. There’s just something in his gut telling him Jaebum said something. Something holding him back from completely believing Jaebum._

_“Jinyoung, you can doubt me. It’s okay. I got shit faced and I should be held accountable for any of the shit I did last night.”_

_A gear shifts in Jinyoung brain and suddenly, he begins to blame himself. “If I had just called you, texted you, telling you not to drink too much, maybe this wouldn’t have happened._

_Jaebum scoffs, looking up at the ceiling. “What we’re going to do right now, is not blame you.” Jaebum shifts his gaze and connects his eyes with Jinyoung. He doesn’t know what it is, but Jinyoung expression is somewhat blank. The anger he was showing earlier is completely gone and replaced with emptiness._

_“Why not? I should have cared more.”_

_“No, Jinyoung, you care enough.”_

_“That’s not true. I didn’t care enough for you to-”_

_“Stop,” Jaebum says, voice filled with authority. “Don’t blame yourself for something that I could have prevented.”_

_Jinyoung tilts his head, confused on why Jaebum isn’t blaming him. He’s confused on the fact that someone isn’t blaming him for once._

 

* * *

 

Jaebum hops off the bed and walks briskly to the kitchen and wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s waist. He rests his cheek on Jinyoung shoulder, inhaling his scent.

“I love you.” He whispers.

He could feel Jinyoung lungs inflate then deflate, something about Jinyoung’s breathing keeps Jaebum at ease, and he doesn’t want to change that at all.

Jinyoung turns off the stove and turns in Jaebum’s arms to face him. “I love you more.” He tells Jaebum, looking straight into his eyes and hands cradling Jaebum’s face.

“I’ll fix this.” He promises Jinyoung.

Jinyoung gives him a smile. It’s a wavering smile and Jaebum can just feel his stomach seizing. “Don’t make a promise that’ll break, Jaebum-hyung.”

  
  
  
  
  



	2. promise me

  
  


Things didn’t change, but it was okay for Jinyoung, he’s gotten used to it, not having Jaebum with him most of the time anymore. Time alone was never an issue for Jinyoung, anyway. He’s been alone since he’s gotten out of the womb. With his parents always working and his sisters attending a boarding school miles away from town, he’s learned how to fend for himself. He observed the way people lived their everyday lives, just following along and went with the flow. He let Hyerim lead him for a short while, but after that he learned to lead himself. He always knew, deep down inside he finds that he works better alone. He didn’t need someone constantly by his side, didn’t need anyone to join him on this journey through humanity. When Jaebum came along, he knew problems would arise. For him, independence was key, he knew his way around with no ones help, he had his daily routine down to the bone, his journal and his phone always in his hand, but with Jaebum on the other hand, he’s never spent a day alone, everything coming to him on a silver platter (except for his career). They were complete opposites and on Jinyoung’s part, it’s starting to take a toll on how he feels towards Jaebum. It was almost like a cycle, Jinyoung would find someone he could trust, he appreciated and truly loved but in the long run, it’ll turn into ash and everything he worked hard for was blown away by the wind. So before anything could start, he would end it. He let someone too close before and all it resulted in was him wanting to live longer in solitary. In the terms of other people, his actions are deemed as selfish, but to Jinyoung, it’s his way of life, his way of saving everyone around him, including himself. The indulgence of being alone attracts him and no matter how much Jaebum tries so ‘fix’ him, Jinyoung won’t allow himself to budge. He feels painful emptiness at the pit of his heart, knowing that all the promises he’d made to Jaebum before will crumple right before his eyes.

 

Jinyoung never forgot who he was before Jaebum but for Jaebum, he doesn’t remember anything before Jinyoung.

 

/

 

“Right there, JB.” The photographer clicks on the shutter, causing all of the lights to flicker, giving Jaebum sudden blindness. “Turn your head a little to the right and lift your left eyebrow.” The photographer instructs. 

This is Jaebum’s fifth C.F this year and he knows they’ll keep coming. This time, it’s for a sunglass company based in the Philippines. It’s his first advert outside of South Korea and his bank account can’t be anymore happier. After a few more shots, they lead him to his dressing room for an outfit change. 

Stepping into his jeans, he realizes he hasn’t gotten a text from Jinyoung all day. “One second,” he tells the stylist helping him into his clothes. He walks away from her and to his backpack, grabbing his phone from the front pocket. He sends Jinyoung a quick text, telling him the weather here in the islands is ruthless and that he misses him dearly. He sighs and puts his phone back into the pocket and lets the stylist resume whatever she was doing. 

 

Finally done with the photoshoot, Jaebum exits the building and steps into the van, Mark in tow. 

Mark slides the van door close and comfortably sits down. “Anything from, Jinyoung?” 

“No, not yet.” Jaebum unlocks his phone, revealing nothing. He feels his heart clench, looking at the empty notifications page. It’s only eight at night in Korea, he should be done eating dinner, but Jaebum texted him two hours earlier.

“Do you have an idea on what he might be doing?” 

He shakes his head, locking his phone and laying his head against the car seat headrest, closing his eyes with a heavy sigh. 

“Try calling him?” Mark inquires. 

“I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Why would you be a bother? You’re his boyfriend.” 

Jaebum’s eyes blow up, “Why would you say he’s my boyfriend?” He whispers through gritted teeth. He points at the driver with a scowl. 

Mark just rolls his eyes in response, “He’s filipino, he doesn’t understand Korean, you crack head.” He chuckles, playfully shoving Jaebum. 

He palms his forehead and relaxes in his seat. “Jinyoung could get a little angsty when people become slightly clingy towards him, I’ve learned it the hard way.” He chuckles flatly.

“Okay, maybe not a phone call,” Mark pauses, bringing his fingers to his chin, rubbing his faux beard in thought, “just double text him then.” 

Jaebum supposes that Mark is right, another text shouldn’t hurt. 

 

/

 

Jinyoung’s phone dings as he finishes up heating last night’s leftovers. He should be finished with dinner by now but he’s gotten so many article offers that this week has just been him and his laptop. He knows that ding, it’s Jaebum once again. He probably forgot to text him back once he finished a musical review. 

 

**im jaeballer**

_ I miss u lots, like a lot … also _

_ The weather here really sucks ㅠㅠㅠ _

_ 6:30 PM _

 

_ Wht is making u so busy, Park Jinyoung-ssi? _

_ Did u forget about me alrdy?? ㅋㅋㅋㅋ _

_ 8:15 PM _

 

Jinyoung deeply exhales, feeling his heart tense up at Jaebum’s genuinely loving text messages. Jaebum’s been out of the country for more than two days now and they’ve barely contacted each other; Jaebum being too busy taking photos all over islands and in multiple photo studios and Jinyoung being too caught up in applying for multiple jobs, getting interviewed and catching up with articles. It isn’t any different from when Jaebum is here, he’s always at the court practicing, anyway. 

Jinyoung’s thumbs hover over the keyboard, mind blank. He misses Jaebum too, but clearly not as much as Jaebum misses him. Forgetting about the food in the microwave, he walks over to the couch, not in the mood to be in Jaebum’s room, inhaling his scent, cuddling against the sheets where they’ve cuddled, watching films and made love countless of times. A blade laced with guilt cuts through him as he continues to stare at his phone, his conversation with Jaebum still open. The last time Jinyoung had replied to him was last night, it was just a simple good night text with a cat emoticon blowing a kiss. Jinyoung remembers typing it with a straight face, no emotion, just emptiness. He’d rather not reply to Jaebum than give him the most shittiest response. Jaebum would read right through him. 

Jaebum’s always been observant and as an athlete, it’s expected that he is. He was also a quick learner, learning how to properly love and care for someone, but one thing he didn’t learn was how Jinyoung is towards certain situations. As for Jinyoung himself, he’s still learning about himself. There are still times where he would blame himself, (due to his past partners somehow directing their faults into Jinyoung’s hands. It turned into a habit but thankfully, he broke from it, thanks to Jaebum.) but he stops himself before things worsen. But if there was something Jaebum was truly lacking in, it was control, bravery, and confidence. 

He takes a deep breath and instead, he calls Jackson instead. He presses his phone against his ear, hugging his knees to his chest. The phone doesn’t even fully ring before Jinyoung hear’s Jackson asking him what’s wrong with the softest voice.  _ Everything is wrong, Jackson-ah. _

Mindlessly, Jinyoung sniffs, he didn’t even know that he’d been crying. “Can you come over to Jaebum’s place? Please?” He pleads.

 

Not even fifteen minutes later, Jinyoung hears the faint ding of the elevator outside of the front door. He hops off the sofa and carefully runs to open the door for Jackson. Immediately, Jinyoung dives in for an embrace, Jackson’s familiar scent fills him up and he can’t help but sob. He’s been away from his best friend, his brother, the only person who knows him, the only person who he trusts, for far too long.

Jackson doesn’t ask any questions and just lets Jinyoung cry. He closes the door behind him, with one arm around Jinyoung’s torso, still cradling him. He sighs, feeling the wetness of Jinyoung’s tears seep through his shirt and onto his skin. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jackson softly asks him, rubbing Jinyoung’s back in comfort. 

The younger just shakes his head, still crying and sobbing onto Jackson’s shoulder. 

 

Moments later, Jackson manages to moves them to the couch, Jinyoung’s head laying on Jackson’s lap as he continues to cry. His crying tones down after a while, eyes bloodshot and puffy with cheeks tainted with a rouge. Jackson just continues to play with Jinyoung’s hair, patiently waiting for him to speak. One thing Jackson knows what to do in these situations is to let Jinyoung be and to just be patient. Jackson wants to wait, to be polite towards his best friend but the silence is ruthless. He feels sadness within the bubble him and Jinyoung are currently in and it makes him slightly uncomfortable, a hazy depression clouding them. Before Jackson could end the treacherous silence, Jinyoung finally says something and,  _ god, _ he didn’t know that such a short sentence could tear his heart apart.

“I want to break up with him.”

  
/  
  


Their relationship was like a daisy, petals happily glowing a soft white, the center a warm golden yellow and a healthy stem holding them together. It was also like a game of ‘Loves me, Loves me not’, petals getting plucked until all is left was the center, the stem and a single petal, that single petal determining their fate as a couple. As the stem was plucked from the earth, it begins to shrivel, the root of their love pulled and torn. 

The last petal; Jinyoung knew Jaebum loved him, he felt the love, but there is no way he could possibly love the same way Jaebum does. How could Jinyoung love Jaebum when he’s struggling to make ends meet with himself.

He’s made countless of promises, kept some and broke the innocent ones. Jaebum on the other hand, he’s tried his best, using tremendous amount of effort to keep his promises. With this, Jinyoung could just feel his heart begging, pleading for him to stay with Jaebum, but the reality of their relationship pulls him back into wanting to end it. And he just does that.

 

 

Jaebum walks into his apartment, dropping his luggage and running to his bedroom, plopping on his bed. He breathes in, and sighs happily, finally being in his room. His trip was amazing but he knew it would have been better with Jinyoung. With one last exhale, he gets off his bed and looks up at Jinyoung who is leaning against the doorframe, a saddened smile adorns his face and it causes Jaebum to cock his head in confusion. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, walking towards Jinyoung, attempting to pull him into his chest but I younger flinches before Jaebum could properly even touch him. He steps back, a stab of pain slices through him.

“I,” Jinyoung hesitates, looking away with glassy eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Jaebum scoffs,  _ what the fuck is going on?  _ “What do you  _ mean _ you can’t do this anymore, Jinyoung?”

“This!” Jinyoung huffs, chest rising and arms motioning around the whole condominium. “You and me,” He sharply inhales, “I can’t be with you anymore.”

Jaebum’s vision blurs, tears flooding his vision, his lip quivers as he tries to find words to say. They’ve been good, the two months since his coach changed his schedule was fine, Jinyoung accepted it and didn’t try to pry anymore, but if that was the problem, he’ll just, he’ll-

“Don’t think too much. I’ve already made the decision, Jaebum-hyung,” Jinyoung wipes away any tears that threaten to fall and pulls himself together before he speaks again. “Our relationship, it’s falling apart, can’t you see? You’ve got career to keep up and I’ve got to start mine. We don’t have time for each other anymore.”

“Then I’ll transfer teams,” Jaebum speaks up, “it won’t be an issue, any team would take me right away.”

Jinyoung scoffs, shaking his head. “I knew you would say that.” He pauses, inhaling softly, “But, this is your home team, I know your investors would pay good money to keep you in, billions of won, Jaebum-ssi.”

_ Jaebum-ssi.  _ Jaebum could feel his hands ball up into fists, “No amount of money could change my mind about you, Jinyoung. I want to be with you, don’t you understand that?” Jaebum slightly raises his voice. Irritated. Shocked. Heart-broken.

“What don’t  _ you _ understand?” Jinyoung presses against Jaebum’s chest with his forefinger, emphasizing. “I’m doing this for you! For us! Things won’t change if we stay together!”

“What happened to not going anywhere, huh?” Jaebum spits at him. “If we’re going to break up for this reason, why even get together in the first place?” He lets out a dry laugh and walks backward until the back of his knees hit the foot of the bed. “You act like you’re my mother, telling me what’s good for me and shit.” He rolls his eyes, keeping his eyes away from Jinyoung. He wants to punch a fucking wall. All this time, all this time wasted. All this love given and nothing received. “And, and, who do you think you are just declaring to split up? Where does my opinion even come in? Why is this all one sided?”

“It’s felt one sided since the beginning.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Jaebum can’t believe his fucking ears. He’s tried his damn best. He knows that. Jinyoung knows that too. “Are you on something? Where is this shit coming from?”

“I’ve thought a lot while you were gone.” Jinyoung simply answers, all traces of sadness and nervousness from before all gone. Not one single trace of it left. He’s thought of this long and hard. Weighed in the pros and cons and all of the pros of being seperated appealed to him more. The technicality of it all just made sense, they need to put their futures in consideration, they needed this,  _ Jinyoung _ needs this. Jaebum hasn’t even come out yet, who knows when that will be? Clearly, career first.  

“Ha, fine.” Jaebum exhales, it felt heavy, as if he hadn’t been breathing. “Get out then.” He finally looks at Jinyoung. Eye to eye. He tries to detect any emotion swirling in Jinyoung’s big brown eyes, but nothing.

Jinyoung nods, looking away from Jaebum and turning around to find the three cats sitting, boring their eyes into him. He sighs and crouches down, petting the cats.

“Don’t touch them.” Jaebum demands, voice sharp like a knife, “You said you’d take care of Nora with me, take care of the two strays with me but now you’re leaving. You don’t have the right to touch them.”

Jinyoung puts his hands up in defeat, slowly standing up. The cats are still looking at him. Jaebum’s heart breaks even more, watching the cats’ eyes shine, evident sadness flowing through them. 

“I’ve already packed my things and returned all your gifts-”

“Take the gifts back.” Jaebum interrupts him. “I don’t need them.”

Jinyoung’s back is still facing Jaebum. The more Jinyoung stays like that, Jaebum’s urge to turn him around grows. 

“Me either. Just throw them away.”

  
/  
  


Jaebum’s fingers shake as he attempts to shoot a three pointer. Everything around him freezes. His teammates, his coach, the loyal crowd, staring at the ball, watching it with hopeful eyes. The ball barely makes it to the rim, it circles the rim one, two times, Jaebum’s lip throbs between his teeth, sweat on his forehead accumulating. It doesn’t get better when the ball makes another trip around the rim and regretfully falls to the floor. 

Jaebum missed. _Again_. 

“Im! Get it together!” Coach Huang yells, neck veins threatening to pop, saliva meeting the polished wood floor. 

Jaebum takes a deep breath and nods, jogging to the otherside of the court, heart heavy.

“I don’t know what the  _ fuck _ is going on with Jaebum, but you better fix it Yien.” Mark’s uncle points at him, face flushed red with anger. 

“Yes, Uncle.” Mark just nods with a blank expression. When his uncle turns around, facing the court, he exhales, his body slumping. 

 

 

The game ends, the SK Knights barely winning, just one point ahead. Before this game, they’ve always been more than twenty points ahead, but recently they’ve been slipping and Jaebum knows that he’s to blame. 

“Jaebum, you better get your shit together or you’ll be gone from the starting line-up. Your new best friend will be the fucking  _ bench _ .” Huang spits, anger still evident in this face. 

“Yes, coach.” 

/

 

Mark walks into Jaebum’s apartment, directly making his way into the living room and is greeted by empty beer cans on the floor, dirty clothing thrown haphazardly on the dining table and the back cushions of the couch, the volume of the T.V way too high and Jaebum snoring his life away, stained shirt lifted. He looks like a complete slob and Mark just shakes his head, disappointed in what Jaebum let himself become. 

Mark shoves the couch, causing Jaebum to wake up in shock, limbs flying everywhere. Once he makes eye contact with Mark, he instantly calms down. 

He coughs nervously, pulling his shirt down and wiping away the drool that made its way out of his mouth. “What are you doing here?”

“You missed practice twice, won’t answer your phone or reply to my text messages, that dumb bitch at the front desk wouldn’t let me in so I called up Bambam to flirt with her and distract her.”

“Have you ever realized that I just wanted to be alone?” Jaebum grits through his teeth, irritated in the fact that Mark hadn’t respected him. “Start acting like my best friend rather than your uncle’s nephew.”

“I’m here because I’m your best friend.”

“That’s bullshit. You’re here to force me to go to practice, to my schedules, to stupid ass boring events, so… Please, get out.”

“Wake the fuck up, Jaebum!” Mark steps forward, anger flowing through his veins. “I’m worried about your health! You look like  _ death _ . You look like someone ripped out everything you’ve worked hard for, everything you’ve ever loved, just… everything you’ve ever became. Completely stripped of  _ life. _ ”

“Because someone did.” Jaebum looks away from Mark. “Jinyoung used me, I was just someone he could fuck, someone he could go to whenever he’s lonely. I was just a fucking accessory.”

Mark finally relaxes, realizing how bad this break up has been hitting Jaebum. He should have been there for Jaebum from the start. “That’s not true. I saw the way he looked at you, he loves you, I know that he still does.” 

“Jinyoung picked me up from the airport just to break up with me.” Jaebum seethes, finally standing up. “If he really loved me, he would have talked it out with me, rather than just saying ‘I can’t be with you anymore’ and leaving it at that.”

Mark flinches at Jaebum recalling Jinyoung’s harsh words. He wants to be mad at Jinyoung but he doesn’t know his side of the story, but it’s looking really selfish. He just sighs, putting all this focus on putting Jaebum back on his feet. “Look, instead of being a fucking slob. Get the fuck up and deal with your anger elsewhere. Take it out on the court.” He inquires, stepping closer. 

“I can’t.” Jaebum says, short and simple. 

“Why?”

“I fell in love with Jinyoung while I was on that court, in that locker room, in that stadium. I can’t go back there without being in pain, without thinking about him.”

 

/

 

Jinyoung’s eyes burn as he types the last word on his last freelance article. Finally finishing, he emails the document to the firm and shuts his laptop. He deeply sighs, putting his elbows on his chilling glass deck, setting his face in his hands. Jaebum floods his mind for the nth time. Jaebum’s soft hair, beautiful piercing eyes, sharp nose bridge, strong arms, supple thighs--

“Jinyoung, it’s getting late,” Jackson’s softly says, the door just opened ajar. “You’ve got work tomorrow.” He adds, excitement laced in his words. 

He smiles, standing up to look at Jackson, gesturing to fully open the door. “I know.”

“Are you excited?” asks Jackson. 

“Yes, scared too.” He admits, walking towards his bed, lifting up the covers. 

“Don’t be Jinyoung-ah, I know you could do it.” 

“Thanks, Jackson. Thank you for being my number one supporter.” He tells his best friend as he dives into the sheets. “I love you.” He says, sending Jackson a playful kissy face. 

Jackson shakes his head with a soft laugh, “I love you too, dumb-ass, sleep well.” And with that, Jackson turns off the lights and shuts the door. 

 

And yet again, Jinyoung is left with his thoughts of Jaebum. Everything always ends up with Jaebum and it hits him harder than a freight train. 

 

Sleep never comes, neither does the forgiveness he needs to give himself for being a selfish bastard. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i.... phew
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> (i'm so sorry it took be 50 years to finish it but i just wanted it to be perfect, i realized that i haven't been writing enough of what the characters r going thru and i just wanted to do just that,,, anyway, i hope ur heart broke this chapter bc mine sure did!!!)


	3. pressure

 

 

_six months later_

 

 

Jaebum sighs. It’s not that he was not content with how everything is going right now but he just didn’t know that his life would come to this. He always loved kids and wanted to be able to a father figure to some since he won’t be able to have his own (or doesn’t want to have his own). His mom doesn’t know about the fact that he doesn’t want kids yet, so it’ll be kept a secret for now. Finally, after months of construction, he grabs onto the door handle, the metal cold and new under his palm, a deep exhale escapes his lungs as he turns it, opening the door.

The fluorescent lights are reflecting against the newly waxed wooden floors, the walls are painted a pristine white and around it there’s a forest green band with _Seoul Phoenixes_ painted on each wall in a metallic gold and outlined with black. On the center of the court, there lies a golden phoenix, it’s wings cradling a basketball. Jaebum spent most of his time deciding on what should be on the court. He didn’t know if it should be SP in golden letters or just the fiery bird by itself but then he realized, _Why not both?_ It took about a month before the official opening for Jaebum to decide and honestly, he hasn’t been any happier.

The break up between him and Jinyoung hadn’t been easy on him at all. There were so many nights where he finds tears dampening his face, mornings where he realizes that he’s alone with no one next to him or cooking breakfast for him, there were many afternoons where he comes back from practice and he finds the dinner table empty, no Jinyoung sitting, waiting for him with food ready on the table. It was too lonely, the emptiness began to eat him up and he did nothing to stop it. There were months of just him laying in bed or the couch (or just any surface, really) just waiting, waiting for Jinyoung to miraculously walk through the door. He knew that Jinyoung wouldn’t come but he stayed waiting anyway.

His departure from the Knights shocked the nation. Everyone and their mothers were weeping, begging for Jaebum to come back, begging for him to save the team. Knets were having their fun though, making up stories about why Jaebum had left. Some made sense, some were just straight out mean. The theory that struck Jaebum the most was him finding the love of his life and opting to leave the team to finally date and eventually get married. To an extent it was true, he _did_ find the love of his life but he left the team because the love of his life decided he just couldn’t do _it_ anymore.

Sure, the nation had a hard time, but Mark, he was having the worst time. Mark didn’t find out about Jaebum’s departure until the articles came out. After every sentence he read, it felt as if there was a snake tightening its hold on him, tightening until he bursted. He felt betrayed, left out and most importantly, hurt. He pushed all of those factors aside and took a deep breath, knowing how his best friend is. He knew that he couldn’t be mad at Jaebum, he just knew that he had to be there for him. Being Jaebum’s best friend, he had to do his job in helping his friend find happiness, he ignored his uncle’s pleads (for him to help him bring Jaebum back) knowing that it’s just for selfish needs, not for Jaebum’s well being.

Mark was running out of options. He contacted Jinyoung many times, asking, _begging_ for him to just talk to Jaebum. He wasn’t asking for Jinyoung to get back with him, just a simple talk. Jinyoung just left, gone faster than a gust of wind, and to Mark, his explanation was bullshit. Mark tried to talk to Jackson, tried to get any information from him about Jinyoung but all Jackson did was turn him down. Jackson had a valid reason on why he can’t be telling Mark anything so Mark just let him be.

If Mark couldn’t get Jinyoung to talk to Jaebum, he needed to distract his best friend. Take his mind of out it. Somehow throw him back into the court, take his frustrations out onto the court and just leave it there. But all Jaebum gave him were excuses.

_“I’m not asking you to be a professional basketball player again, Jaebum. I’m asking you, more like telling you, to just play basketball again. It could be at the park, a gym, at an elderly home anywhere, just-” Mark empties out his lungs, at this point if Jaebum doesn’t agree on this, he might as well give up and let Jaebum deal with this himself. “I don’t know, maybe instead of playing basketball, teach it? You always talk about how you think more people in the country should love the sport, maybe-”_

_“You’re talking too much right now it’s starting to make my head hurt.” Jaebum comments, throwing the covers over himself as he dives deeper into the duvet._

_“I’m trying to take you out of your depression, okay?” He looks down and clutches at the sheets, irritated, feeling like a failure to his best friend, his brother. Jaebum’s home was a place where Mark could feel at ease, a place where he could relax, but now, it feels like an eternal freezer, Jaebum’s emotions causing his home to feel empty, cold._

_“I’m not depressed. Just sad.” Jaebum whispers._

_“Okay, you’re not diagnosed with depression but it feels like you are. You can’t let Jinyoung do this to you, you can’t let this one guy ruin everything you’ve worked hard for. I bet Jinyoung doesn’t even care if you’re sad or not.”_

_“You didn’t have to twist the knife like that.”_

_“If I wasn’t going to, who was?” Mark pulls the duvet away from Jaebum, “Can you just listen to me?” Jaebum’s eyes are closed but Mark can see his eyeballs roll behind the flesh, “Open up your own basketball club, teach people how to play, let the country know that this sport is fun, you’re Im Jaebum, anyone wouldn’t think twice about joining. Remember,_ you are _Im Jaebum.” Mark says, hoping to uplift his best friend, “South Korea’s heart throb, the boy they date behind their parents’ back for the thrill, the most successful basketball player and most importantly, my best friend.”_

_Jaebum finally opens his eyes and just for a moment, Mark sees hope._

Jaebum continues to soak in the court, this was _his_ basketball court, this facility was made with love and with the passion for basketball. He sits down on the metal bleachers, bent forward, elbows resting on his thighs. A satisfied sigh escapes as he admires the crest of his own little league. Tomorrow will be his first class and he’s nothing but excited. Many parents had signed up, way more than he had expected. Warmth creeps up his spine as he thinks about the children that will walk into the gym, big smiles on their faces and dressed in their best basketball practice clothing. One thing that’ll probably make his day is the amount of mothers (or fathers) that’ll be gawking at him while he teaches their kids the fundamentals of basketball.

He remembers a few comments under the Naver article about him opening up his own facility. He quietly chuckles to himself, thinking about the ones that were slightly dirty. He takes his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocks it then looks through his camera roll, searching for the screen shots he took of the comment section.

[+1000][-20] My husband will know that I signed up my little Hyunjinie for Jaebum-ssi’s basketball program because I have the hots for him…. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ But I don’t care, it’s my money that I will be spending! And it’s my son that I held in my belly for 9 months! My husband can’t tell me what to do!

[+116][-5] Im Jaebum is so sexy… I wish I was a little child again so I could be in his basketball class

[+922][-0] Imagine Jaebum-ssi drenched in sweat…. Wow

[+200][-4] Time for me to have a child so I can use it as an excuse to see Jaebum play basketball for two hours

He continues to swipe through the screen shots and just can’t help but giggle. Suddenly, Mark’s name pops up on his phone, he answers the call and puts his phone to his ear.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, where are you though?” Mark asks.

“At the gym,” Jaebum says with a bright smile on his face. “It looks amazing, I can’t wait for you to see it tomorrow.”

Mark chuckles. “I can’t wait either. I’m really happy you decided to do this,” Jaebum’s heart clenches, “It’s great to see you happy, Jaebum-ah.”

“You’re too much of a sap, Mark-hyung.” Jaebum says, laughing. Mark laughs as well too and it makes Jaebum soften.

“I’m serious!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He says, dismissing it, “Why did you want to know where I was?” He adds.

“Oh well, my parents came to visit and I wanted to know if you’re able to have dinner with us.”

Jaebum’s eyes open up in surprise. Mark’s parents rarely come to visit, “Yeah, sure I’d love to, what time?” He picks up his wrist and looks at his watch, it’s about five in the evening, he hasn’t got anything planned for the rest of day.

“Seven-ish? They haven’t decided which restaurant, but I’ll pick you up so just be ready before then.” Mark says promptly.

“Of course, see you then!”

  
/

  
Jinyoung’s back begins to ache as he carries the fifth box up the stairs of his sister’s new home. He exhales as he finally gets to the second floor. The box is labeled Youngjae, so he makes his way into his nephew’s room. He nudges the door open and finds the five year old sitting on the floor watching Kuroko no Basket on his iPad. Jinyoung’s hasn’t watched that anime since-

“Is that box for me?” Youngjae pauses the episode and quickly stands up, walking towards his uncle with grabby hands.

He sets it down and opens it up, “It’s just clothes, buddy.” The little boy huffs and goes back to watching the basketball anime. “Don’t be so upset, I’m sure there are more boxes of your toys downstairs.” He reaches over and ruffles Youngjae’s hair. He huffs again and slaps Jinyoung’s hand away.

“I’m watching, Uncle! You’re bothering me.” He says with a straight face then a smirk begins to grow.

Jinyoung just shakes his head and chuckles at his nephew’s sassiness. “You’re just like your mom.”

Before leaving the room, Jinyoung kisses the top of Youngjae’s head tenderly, slightly bitter at the fact that he’s growing up way too fast. Regret clouds over him, blocking away the whines of Youngjae. He wishes that he made more of an effort to go down to Jinhae more often to see him grow, but it’s too late and there isn’t much he could do. But now since his sister decided to relocate, he’ll make the extra effort to spend time with Youngjae.

To his surprise, his boss is very lenient with him. Jackson says it’s because she has a crush on Jinyoung but he just thinks it’s because he’s an outstanding employee. Well, that’s what Jinyoung likes to think. His closest co-worker, Chanyeol, thinks it’s because she has a crush on him as well but he always tries to dodge or ignore the teasing. Dismissing the topic of her having the hots for him, knowing that she’s very forgiving when it comes to him, he knows that he’ll be able to be around Youngjae more and that makes him the most happy.

He looks at the time on his phone and realizes that he’s way passed the time he should have left, so he quickly makes his way downstairs.

“Sooyoung-noona, I’ve got to get go-”

“Yeah, I know Jinyoung-ah, but I have one more favor.” She walks towards him with pleading eyes.

“If it’s to carry another box, I don’t think I could help you.” He chuckles dryly and puts a hand to his lower back, massaging the soreness. He walks past her and towards the front door, searching for his shoes.

“It’s not that, Jinyoung-ah.” She pauses and he nods in response as he puts on his shoes. “Can you please drop Youngjae off to his basketball lesson tomorrow? It’s at one in the afternoon.”

Jinyoung perks up, “Oh! Yeah, I’ll do it Noona, I can just ask my boss to move my lunch. Do you need me to pick him up after too?”

“Please? Taecyeon and I both have work tomorrow and I know that you have a flexible work schedu-”

“Noona, I already said yes, you don’t have to give me a reason, it’s okay.” He smiles and puts a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it gently. “I’ve really got to go, just text me if anything else comes up.”

The ride home felt… empty. The street lights zoomed passed him, just like everything that had happened in his life. Jaebum was just supposed to be another story to tell but the elder is etched into the backs of his eyelids, his brain, his heart. Nothing he has done in the half year erased Jaebum. He tried his best to stay away from social media, television, the newspapers, but Jaebum always seemed to reach him some now.

A heated sigh leaves his lips and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. He really shouldn’t dwell on Jaebum anymore, his heart hurts at the mere thought of him and he can’t bare it. He thought he would be fine but he truly underestimated his love for Jaebum. He thought Jaebum would be fine as well, the elder had a huge future ahead of him but reading the Naver article about Jaebum’s departure from the SK Knights told him otherwise. He remembers that day clearly, he went into his lunch break with dozens of missed calls from Jackson and a few texts from his sisters, if was truly an emergency, his sisters would have called him, Jackson on the other hand _never_ called Jinyoung.

_Quickly, he sits down on the dining table in the farthest corner of the breakroom and calls Jackson back. It rings once and immediately Jackson’s voice travels through the receiver._

_“Jinyoung-ah.” He breathes, inhales sharply and pants quietly. It’s almost as if Jackson had ran a mile or two before Jinyoung called him back. “You’re never going to believe what happened.”_

_Jinyoung furrows his brows, “What happened?”_

_“Jaebum left the SK Knights.”_

_“He what!?” Jinyoung’s eyes nearly jump out of his skull. His heart begins to rapidly beat against his chest. Jaebum leaving the team has never crossed his mind._

_“This morning he terminated his contract, apparently he paid fourteen billion won to have it terminated. Can you believe that!?”_

Texting Jaebum after their breakup never crossed his mind right up until that moment. He remembers the tremble of his thumbs, how fast his heart was beating against this chest, how his eyes were beginning to burn from staring at the phone screen for way too long. He’s typed many messages and deleted them too, he pressed the backspace button for what seemed like forever. The last conversation they had was Jaebum letting him know the things Jinyoung forgot to collect were at the front desk of Jaebum’s apartment building.

And it’s still like that, it will be for a really long time.

 

/

 

Getting Youngjae ready and dressed was way harder than Jinyoung had thought. His nephew just refuses to get out of bed. He stays on his stomach, his iPad propped up on his pillows, the stupid basketball anime playing on it. Jinyoung huffs, resting his hands on his hips, calling for Youngjae for the nth time.

“Get up and get dressed, please.”

The little boy mumbles a no and cuddles further into his mounds of blankets.

Instantly, Jinyoung thinks of the greatest idea. He smirks, knowing this is something his nephew can’t refuse. “Youngjae-ah, if you get dressed early enough, Uncle will buy you ice cream before your basketball class.” He sing-songs, a mischievous smile on his face. There’s no way Youngjae can say no, he loves ice cream.

Jinyoung’s smile grows as he sees the little head under the blankets turn, a small hand creeps this way to the edge of the covers, pulling them away from his face. “Really?” Youngjae asks in the softest and tiniest voice. Jinyoung’s heart swells.

“Yes, really. Then after we can get chicken.”

“Chicken!?”

And with that, Youngjae pauses his anime and throws the covers out of his way and darts to his drawers, picking out his best basketball attire. Before Jinyoung knows it, there’s an ungodly number of gym shorts and t-shirts flying passed Youngjae’s shoulders. Jinyoung gasps and rushes towards his nephew, picking up the clothing and tossing it onto Youngjae’s bed. He groans, letting the child do his thing as he folds the clothing. Finally, he stops hearing clothes fall onto the floor and hears the rustling of fabric, knowing that Youngjae is finally changing into his clothing.

Looking at his watch, he gasps, realizing he has forty-five minutes left to get Youngjae ice cream and for him to finish it then drive to the basketball gym. He scrambles, nearly tripping over his own feet. Quickly, he collects himself and grabs some socks for Youngjae then picks him up, throwing him over his shoulders.

“We’re gonna be late!” He quickly goes down the stairs, holding onto Youngjae tightly while managing to put socks on him. Putting Youngjae down when he hits the first floor, he quickly grabs his car keys off the kitchen island and makes a beeline to the shoe closet, putting his shoes on and making sure Youngjae chose the right sneakers. God, he hates rushing so much, he always ends up forgetting something. He hopes that if he does forget something, it won’t be his nephew.

They make it to the gym with ten minutes to spare. Jinyoung catches his breath as he gets out of the car then to open the door for Youngjae. His nephew is ready to go, a bright smile on his face, excitement running through his little body. The little boy slings on his drawstring backpack and excitedly grabs Jinyoung’s hand, pulling him forward towards the gym. Jinyoung’s heart swells at his nephew’s eagerness.

Jinyoung opens the door and he’s suddenly hit by a cold breeze, the air conditioner on full blast. He contently sighs, relishing the cold air. There is a long hallway and on the walls there are glass cases, Jinyoung can't tell what they contain from the entrance but as he walks forward, he feels a hand enveloping his heart, squeezing it, hoping for it to burst. His lungs tighten, the pressure is making it harder to breathe as he makes out the name on the plaques of the trophies and the face on the tens and hundreds of framed photos. He feels like he’s been hit by a wave, water droplets turning into daggers, the cool temperature freezing his body, it feels like a painful, a cold force dragging him into a deep darkness.

“Uncle?” Youngjae tugs on his hand, saving from Jinyoung a dark abyss. He looks up at his Uncle with worried eyes and asks, “Is everything okay?”

Jinyoung nods mindlessly. He tries to cover it up, smiling down at his nephew. But in return, the little boy tilts his head, his young bright eyes searching for something, something that Jinyoung can’t make out.

“I don’t believe you. But, don’t be sad, because I’ll be sad. I don’t want to be sad for my basketball class, Uncle.” The little boy exhales heavily, the words coming out of his mouth like a faucet.

Jinyoung just inhales, then exhales deeply, hoping for this unsteadiness to leave his body. But it doesn't. It stays until he walks through the gym doors and sees the man who was such (is) a big part in his life six months ago. The dribbling of Jaebum’s ball echos in his ears. It feels like a nostalgic and Jinyoung just wants to get away. His heart thumps against his chest, the beat of it matching to the dribble of Jaebum’s ball. Youngjae’s voice is incredibly faint, the warmth of his hand leaves him and now all he’s left with is a haunting emptiness.

His mind is elsewhere as he walks to the bleachers. His body drags him to the top row but as he’s one step away, someone calls for him.

“Excuse me.” The voice is soft and welcoming.

Jinyoung turns around and he’s instantly met with a pair of big eyes in a shade of the warmest brown.

“You need to sign in and fill up some forms, Sir.” She says with the softest smile and it causes Jinyoung to smile too.

He is led to a table right next to the entrance, Jinyoung lets out a string of apologies, feeling bad for not noticing in the first place. She, Jihyo (her name tag states) dismisses his apologies and tells him he’s not the only one that completely dismissed the table. With another warm smile, she hands him a clipboard and instructs him to write Youngjae’s name and age along with his signature. Once Jinyoung is finishes he returns it to her.

A shiver climbs through his spine as he watches her look at the clipboard. He feels scared, worried, anxious. Did Jaebum mention anything about him to his employees? His teammates? His other friends that he never got to learn about?

The breath that he’s been holding escapes as she makes no expression. But, she does pull out a folder, he’s guessing it’s Youngjae’s file. Once she opens it, he’s greeted with a photo of Youngjae with the biggest smile on his face. His heart nearly bursts at how cute his nephew is.

“So you’re his uncle?” asks Jihyo.

He nods proudly.

Before Jihyo can say another word, Jinyoung hears his name. He whips his head to the direction where he hears his name being called and before he could find the source, his eyes connect with Jaebum.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys I'm so sorry that i haven't updated in a long time, a lot of stuff has gone on since i last updated and recently i've gotten a job that drains the heck out of me so when i get home, i just knock out. 
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> anyway! i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. also, i added another upcoming chapter because i didn't want to stuff this chapter with too much. 
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	4. please

 

 

_ “This is the fourth guy this month, Jinyoung.” Jackson is laying on Jinyoung’s bed, watching him look through his clothing drawer. He says it in a concerning tone and it bothers Jinyoung. It’s not like Jinyoung never had one-night stands before Jaebum, well, not this often. It’s been about four months since their break-up but it’s felt even longer than that. The day feeling slower than the day prior. _

_ “Jackson,” Jinyoung starts, “This is the only way I could get over Jaebum, if I don’t do this, what else could I do?” It’s a rhetoric question but Jackson actually answers and it wasn’t something Jinyoung was expecting. _

_ “Sex isn’t the answer, Jinyoung. I thought you knew this by now. There are other ways for you to get over Jaebum, but then again, this is what you got yourself into. You were the one who broke up with him.” Jackson exhales. He’s been holding that in for the longest time, Jinyoung thinks. _

_ Jinyoung’s mouth stays shut, what Jackson said is true. He is the one that broke up with Jaebum, he’s the one that left, he’s the one that stopped trying. He thinks about it every night, every night while being in someone else’s bed, he thinks about it whenever he’s on a date, Jaebum’s face instantly morphing into the person he’s having dinner with. Every time this happens, every time his brain makes its way to making everything involve Jaebum, Jinyoung ignores it. He just closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and shakes it away. He ignores all the signs that tell him to talk to Jaebum. _

_ “Mark updated on Jaebum-hyung.” Jackson speaks up after a chilling silence. Jinyoung just hums, absentmindedly lifting up his folded shirts. “He’s doing a lot better than before,” Jinyoung is instantly thrown back to when he first found out Jaebum had left the Knights. It shocked him to the point where his coworkers thought he had turned ill. He knew how much Jaebum loved basketball, his team and playing for the country. Jaebum leaving the team never crossed his mind. “But Mark is still working on trying to get Jaebum-hyung back on his feet, it’s pretty difficult with how stubborn he is.” Jackson scoffs playfully, adding a lightness to the conversation. _

_ “That isn’t Mark-hyung’s job though.” Jinyoung says. _

_ “So? What are friends for? Jaebum-hyung was a mess when you left him.” _

_ Jinyoung winces. “You didn’t have to say it like that.” He closes his drawer and makes his way into his closet. _

_ “It’s true though. I understand where you were coming from but you didn’t have to break up with him like that.” Jackson truthfully says. _

_ Jinyoung knows Jackson means well, but he can’t help but hurt. _

_ “When you’re angry words just come out of your mouth, you stop thinking, you lose yourself to the anger that takes over your body. When he came back from the Philippines, all I saw was red. I was fuming, Jackson. My heart, it was ready to burst when I saw him walk through the gateway. The drive home was even worse, I was so tense, my hands,” His hands, they’re shaking now, he grabs onto a shelf, hoping it helps him keep his balance, he’s beginning to feel dizzy, the same anger he felt that day filling him up once more, “they were shaking uncontrollably, I can’t remember if I had told you, but it was so bad to the point where Jaebum told me to pull over so he could drive. I didn’t say one word to him, I just nodded and switched with him.” Jinyoung inhales sharply before continuing, the grip on the shelf not faltering one bit, “He didn’t know that I was angry, he just went along with it, probably assuming I was just tired. He didn’t even ask if something was wrong-” _

_ “Jinyoung,” Jackson says his name, softly interrupting him. Jinyoung shivers, he knows that tone Jackson speaks in, he knows Jackson is about to chew him alive. “You have this look when you’re angry. Something shifts in your features which make people stray away and not ask you what’s wrong,” Jackson explains and he’s right. “And when people do ask you if you’re okay, you say yes and if they start to pry, you ignore them.” _

_ “I get it, I’m an asshole.” _

_ “That!” Jackson exclaims. Jinyoung can hear his bed sheets shuffle. Jackson’s out of his bed and moving towards him. He grips even harder onto the shelf, which is something he thought wasn’t possible. “That’s not where I’m getting at! I’m telling you that you can’t expect him to be on his knees, begging for an explanation from you. You can’t expect people to automatically know what’s wrong with you.” Jackson’s right at the threshold of the closet, leaning his shoulder against the door frame. “I know that you love him, I can feel it from the way you talk about him and how you’ve looked at him, but your actions. It’s your actions that seem like you don’t. _

_ “You knew he was going to be busy, you knew that he’d be away longer, yet you still ended things with him.” Jinyoung wanted to fire back but nothing was leaving his mouth. What is there even to say? Jackson is right. “I’m not telling you to get back with him, just try to mend the broken ends, you owe him at least that.” _

__

 

* * *

__

 

_ “Geez,” Mark grimaces as he sees Jinyoung walk through the front door. “You look like a train wreck.” _

_ Jinyoung’s coming back home from an unexpected twelve hour shift. His boss working him like a dog, which he doesn’t mind in some aspects, but when it’s a whole twelve hours, he doesn’t know how much longer he can handle it. He started his morning with spilling his coffee all over his documents that were due right when he walked through the door of the building. He tried to print them but the printer decided to run out of ink right when the last page was about to begin printing. _

_ He couldn’t even brush his teeth which was something he absolutely despised. He couldn’t get his lunch ready either which meant he had to spend money. He didn’t have a hard time throughout the whole day but he had jinxed it because his boss had him stay an extra three hours because her assistant’s cold had gotten worse and she didn’t know who else to trust. _

_ With him being thrown into a job he had no idea how to do, he was stressed out beyond belief. He wanted everything to be perfect, needed everything to be perfect. Luckily, he survived the three hours, receiving a pat on the back and an extra day off, but his boss was surprised by his work ethic which resulted in leaving him with even more work to do. _

_ So now, he walks through the door of his home with two macbooks, three accordion folders and six files filled to brim. He huffs, trying to balance everything on one arm to close the door behind him, but he fails badly, nearly losing his balance and dropping everything onto the floor. Jackson rushes to his aid, asking him why he’s got so many things with him with the most distressed tone he’s ever heard. Jackson carries the folders and sets them onto the dinner table then briskly walks to the front door to close it. _

_ Jinyoung sighs, his back finally feeling relaxed. “Thank you, Jackson-ah.” He says, setting the rest of the things onto the table. He cards his fingers through his hair, pulling slightly when realizing that all of these things need to be edited, reviewed and critiqued in two days, he also needs to review his boss’ meetings, call clients and confirm their partnerships, and the most dreadful part, running her errands. He pulls back a chair harshly and plops down on it, letting his body go boneless. _

_ “This is the most work I’ve seen you bring home.” Jackson comments. _

_ “Yubin’s assistant’s cold is progressively getting worse so she’ll be out for the rest of the week, meaning all the work left over for her will be transferred onto me. Apparently, there is no one else that she trusts in the whole fucking firm to do the job.” _

_ Although, he has to do all of this, including his actual job, it’s a great distraction from Jaebum. All he has to think about is getting shit done and not even having an ounce of the elder in his head. _

_ “You’re thinking about Jaebum.” Mark blurts out of nowhere. _

_ Jinyoung doesn’t answer but Mark knows he heard him loud and clear. Mark just hums in affirmation and returns his attention to his laptop. _

_ “I’ll be in my room.” is all what Jinyoung says. _

  
  


_ Soon enough, Jinyoung is basically working two jobs; editor and his boss’s assistant on the weekends. He’s working six days a week, having the third week of the month with fives days off (five days off as an editor but working on the weekends as Yubin’s assistant). His paycheck is outstanding but his health begins to deteriorate. With shorter nights and longer days, he’s forgot how it felt like to eat real food, how it felt like to sleep in, how it felt like to hang out with friends. He barely sees Jackson anymore, it pains him but if he doesn’t work now, he’ll have to work later.  _

_ A treacherous month later, Jinyoung finds himself in the hospital. His blood sugar and iron levels were very low and was suffering from a high fever due to a kidney infection. He didn’t feel any symptoms from the kidney infection because of the numbness of his body. He’s been drinking too much coffee and working too many hours to even comprehend. Jackson runs into the emergency room, face red with anger and eyes wet with worry. He falls down onto his knees, sliding to Jinyoung’s side. _

_ “I knew this would happen. You’re so stupid.” Jackson says, he sniffs, trying his best to hold back the tears. _

_ Jinyoung should’ve known better, he should’ve known his body was beginning to burn out. There were subtle signs but he had chosen to ignore all of them. He needed to get his mind off of Jaebum. No matter how much he dated or worked, his mind always seemed to find its way to him. _

_ Jinyoung always thought,  _ what if Jaebum-hyung was here to drop lunch off for me?

If Jaebum-hyung and I were still together I wouldn’t have to accept this other job.

What if Jaebum-hyung had made me breakfast this morning?

If Jaebum-hyung and I were still together, he would have dropped me off at work.

What if I never broke up with him?

 

 

 

* * *

  
  


 

_ Jinyoung took two weeks off of work. Yubin told him to take a month off but he couldn’t. He should have learned a lesson this first time around but he’s hyperactive. He needs to be doing something constantly, whether it be reading, writing, typing or even knitting. He couldn’t take the first three days of being at home with no tasks so he decided to fly back home to Jinhae for the remainder of his two week vacation.  _

_ His parents and sisters welcome him with open arms and open ears. Although his mother has been adamant about him getting married and having children, she tries her utmost best to support his decisions and life choices. She drops the kid talk once she sees how stressed her youngest child has become. _

_ The first night back he spends it on the couch, his head in his mother’s lap and her fingers playing with his hair. He falls asleep like that and it’s the first time in a long time that he’s had a peaceful slumber. _

_ He wakes up to the smell of coffee and his favorite breakfast foods. And it makes him happy. His heart swells up and he tries his best not to cry. His heart feels so full and all he sees his sunshine, it’s something he hadn’t felt in a long time. _

_ “Good morning, Jinyoung-ah.” Soyoung, his eldest sister, greets him as she walks down the stairs. Once she heard the news about Jinyoung visiting, she packed her bags and left her husband and son at home. Although she doesn’t live too far from their childhood home, she decided to just stay over, rather than drive every morning and night. Taecyeon can take care of Youngjae, she likes to convince herself. “How was your sleep?” _

_ He smiles, the feeling of love travels up to his cheeks, giving it a rosy tint, “It was amazing. The best sleep I’ve had for awhile.” He answers truthfully. _

_ Soyoung gives him an endearing smile and makes her way over to him. She opens up her arms and traps him in a warm embrace. “I’m glad.” She says with a kiss on the cheek. _

_ He hugs back, burying his face into the crook of her small neck. _

_ After lunch Soyoung leaves immediately, forgetting that Taecyeon stays at work a little longer on Fridays meaning there is no one to pick up Youngjae from school. Their mother scolds her for a bit, Boyoung and Jinyoung chuckling in the background.  _

_ Boyoung’s children are peacefully taking their daily nap in Jinyoung’s old room. They’re the sweetest girls, Jihyun barely one and Jisoo at her troublesome twos. He remembers flying down immediately each time the girls were born, his heart aches thinking about how he won’t be able to see them grow up because of his work schedule. Hopefully, as time passes, Yubin will become more lenient with his work schedule. _

_ “So, why? Why and how did all of this happen?” Boyoung suddenly asks him, it’s quite a vague question but he know what she’s specifically asking. They’re on currently the patio, sharing a kettle of green tea. _

_ Jinyoung inhales and exhales slowly, trying to ease the rapid beating of his heart. He sets his mug down, pulling his sleeves forward, hiding his fiddling fingers. He doesn’t know where to start, there’s just so many things to say. He hasn’t even told his family about Jaebum and they’ve been dating for seven months prior to their break-up. His family checks up on him all the time but since Jaebum has never come out it was easier to hide his relationship with him. “I don’t know where to start.” He admits. _

_ Boyoung reclines her chair, crossing her legs and brings her mug to her lips to take a short sip. “I’ve got all day, Jinyoung-ah.” _

_ He nods and starts from the very beginning. _  
  
  


_ “So,” Boyoung starts and immediately, Jinyoung wants her to stop. He feels like he’s heard everything from Jackson already and his heart is in no shape or form to hear it all over again. “You need start giving in, Jinyoung-ah. Start letting people into your life easier, you can’t be this stone cold forever.” She pauses, taking a sip of her tea. “Jaebum-ssi, I don’t know him but with the way you talk about him and how you describe him, I can tell he’s been nothing but a good man to you and maybe if you just fully let him in, it would work out.”  _

_ Jinyoung thinks about the times where Jaebum has tried his hardest to get closer to Jinyoung, tried his hardest to take care of Jinyoung but how would he be able to succeed when Jinyoung wasn’t letting him? Jinyoung always strived to function on his own, not needing anyone around him. He didn’t realize that he had someone who respected him and was willing to love and learn everything about him. _

_ “I know that your break-up before this one had screwed you over, he gaslighted, blamed everything on you, made you feel like crap but it’s no excuse to be like this towards your current relationships.” Boyoung continues, noticing that Jinyoung is processing her words. “I bet you’ve heard this from Sseun-ie, but talk to Jaebum-ssi.” _

_ “I’ll try.” Is all what Jinyoung is able to say. _

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


 

Jinyoung realizes that he isn’t the only person who isn’t named Jinyoung. A little boy runs to his mother right passed him. He immediately brings his head down, not bearing another second to have his eyes connected with Jaebum’s. 

He draws his attention back to Jihyo just to dismisses himself with an apology and walks briskly towards the exit. He ignores the calls of his name and the murmurs of the people around him. As he’s back into the hallway, he hears his name again, but this time he knows that voice. The voice that constantly reassured him of his doubts, the voice that reminded him how much he loved him, the voice that told him that no matter what happened he’ll always be there.

“Jinyoung! Stop running!”

Jinyoung didn’t even realize he was.

He gets out of the facility and stops to catch his breath but when he does so, Jaebum reaches for him, grabbing onto his wrist. He turns him around abruptly, causing the younger to lose his balance. Jinyoung regains it and wipes away the hot tears that he didn’t know that were falling. He sniffs and rubs at his nose before looking up at Jaebum. Tears continue to pour out, the hot liquid blurring his vision. He blinks making the tears flow even more violently. He didn’t think his confrontation with Jaebum would be like this, this intense, this public and this painful. His heart aches against his chest. He clutches it, thinking it’ll soothe the pain. The look in Jaebum eyes makes his stomach flip. Why did Jinyoung have to hurt him this much? Why did he ever think that Jaebum deserved to be treated like this?

“Jaebum-”

“I-I didn’t expect to see you here. If I knew, I would have looked a little better.” Jaebum is joking but his tone is soft. It feels as if Jinyoung is being showered in the most expensive feathers.

“I didn’t even- I just, I just needed to drop off my nephew to your class, not knowing you were the teacher. If I had known, I wouldn’t have come.” Jinyoung breathing begins to speed up. If Jaebum and him were going to confront each other, this wasn’t the place to do it. His anxious antics return, joint with his harsh breathing he starts to fiddle with his fingers, picking at his nails.

Jaebum immediately notices, “Stop that.” He brings his strong hand to Jinyoung’s grasping at his hands. “You didn’t know, it’s not your fault.”

“God, Jaebum. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for coming unannounced, I’m sorry for the break up, I’ve always been a horrible boyfriend and you don’t-” Jinyoung wants to continue but he is stopped by the gasps. He jumps, not realizing him and Jaebum had the whole gym follow them outside. Whispers begin to weave into his brain. He can’t make out what they’re saying but he could only assume the worst.

He frantically looks around, seeing all the mothers in groups, heads turned away and hands covering their mouths, whispering to each other. He sees Youngjae in shock, his hand in Jihyo’s.

“Youngjae-ah.” He calls out.

The younger boy immediately breaks away from the receptionist and runs to his uncle. Jinyoung immediately breaks away from Jaebum’s grip on his hands and wraps his arms around his nephew, bending down to kiss the top of his head.

“I should go. I’ve already messed your life up enough.” He removes one hand away from Youngjae’s body and brings it up to wipe the remaining tears away. Before he could fully turn away, Jaebum stops him.

“No.”

He turns back around. “What?” His voice barely above a whisper. “What do you mean no?”

“I love you, Jinyoung-ah. I always have and always will.”

Louder gasps and mothers screeching fill up the air. Jinyoung feels like a rock had fell on top of him.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Is all he can respond with. He backs away slightly but Jaebum follows. Jaebum’s actions don’t falter. He means it and doesn’t care if the rich and the powerful mothers of Gangnam had heard his confession to Jinyoung. He doesn’t care that he had just come out in front a group of people who gossip and shop for a living.

“I mean it with all my heart, Jinyoung. There wasn’t a day that went by where you had left my mind. I don’t know how you did it but even though you had broken up with me in the worst way, I still love you and god, this might seem stupid to others but I forgive you.” Jaebum’s eyes start to water.

Jinyoung looks around again, everyone around them gaping.

He can’t handle the attention, the countless eyes looking at him, and it causes him to grumble a lame apology. Not looking back, he grabs Youngjae’s hand and run to the car. He buckles in Youngjae in quickly, shutting the door behind him and opens the driver’s side, starting the car before he’s completely gotten into the car. Once settled, he immediately backs out, needing to get away. His breathing is coarse, heart thumping against his chest harshly, it’s difficult to drive but he forces himself to.

 

The drive back to his sister’s is quiet, he feels his nephew’s intense stare through the rearview mirror, the child is secured on his booster seat in the middle of the backseat.

“Why are you staring at me so hard, Youngjae-ah?” Jinyoung asks, looking up at the rearview mirror.

“He said he loves you, uncle Jinyoung. Do you not love him back?”

Jinyoung shudders, “I-I don’t know.”

The little boy just nods in understanding, as if he truly does. Jinyoung just chuckles and resumes to pay attention to the road. After a few moments, he hears Youngjae mumble something.

“Did you say something, Youngjae-ah?” Jinyoung asks, glancing at the rear view mirror.

Youngjae sheepishly nods, “Are we still gonna Chicken?”

  
  
  


 

 

The constant pinging of his phone and the knocking on his door causes him to wake up abruptly. He rubs his eyes before reaching for his phone on his bedside drawer. His eyes begin to focus and sees his group chat with Mark and Jackson in flames. There’s a few texts from his sisters and one from Jaebum. His heart stops for a moment, a thumb starts to hover over the notification. 

The knocking doesn’t seem to stop, in irritation he flings his phone onto his bed and shucks his blanket off of him and strides to his door, ignoring his house slippers.

He yanks the door open to meet with a very frantic and sweating Jackson.

“You’ll never believe what article is trending right now.” He breathes out. He unlocks his phone and shoves it into Jinyoung’s face.

**Former Seoul SK Knights player comes out as gay**

Jinyoung reads it over and over and over again, his eyes begin to strain, trying to process the headline. “What-” He threatens to scroll and a photo of Jaebum cutting a red ribbon in celebration of opening his Basketball gym appears and next to it, a photo of him about to shoot a three pointer. In the background sits Jinyoung, he’s way too blurry for anyone who doesn’t know him to notice but seeing himself sends shivers down his spine.

His breathing falters as he begins to scroll down even more.

**(GANGNAM, SU) —  Former professional athlete Im Jaebum announced his affection to an unknown man in the crowd last afternoon.**

**Im, 28, was teaching at his youth basketball class when he shocked parents by stopping mid class to confess his feelings for an unnamed man.**

**Since leaving the Seoul SK Knights in September, Im has opened a school for children to come to Gangnam and learn basketball from the professional athlete himself.  Many parents were excited for this rare opportunity for their children until the outburst last evening.**

**“This shouldn’t be out in public for our sons to see, it’s unfortunate that Im-ssi has these issues but as a mother I can’t stand by and let our children be corrupted,” A mother who decided nameless stated outside the court in tears.**

**Others though, don’t share this sentiment, and are in support for the once rising star.**

**“I support player Im Jaebum, I brought my son to learn basketball and I don’t see how his love life effects his playing, so I’ll continue to take my son to these classes if possible,” Kang Jihyun said.**

 

“Oh my god,” Jinyoung gasps, his chest aches tremendously, pins and needles poking at it, he holds on to it trying to seize the pain. “Jackson-ah.” His eyes water, a tear falls before he could wipe it away. 

He didn’t want Jaebum to come out like this. Jaebum deserved better, he didn’t deserve to come out in front of a crowd of people who barely knew him. Jinyoung bets he hasn’t even come out to his parents, his former teammates or his current employees. Words try to come out but they’re trapped by the air trying to escape his lungs.  

Jackson bites his lip, thinking of how he could comfort his friend but there isn’t much to do. “Has Jaebum tried to contact you?” He asks, his voice is soft and reassuring. He drops his hand and locks his phone, storing it into one of his pockets.

Jinyoung’s heart beats painfully against his ribcage, the thumping is all he hears, the noise filling up his ears, Jackson’s voice just a mere whisper to him. He hears Jackson call for him again but before he knows it, all he sees is black.

Jinyoung doesn’t know how much time passes. It’s felt like hours but it’s just been minutes. He’s back on his bed, the duvet feeling rough on his fingertips.

“Jinyoung.” He looks around, trying to find out where it’s come from. He looks to his left and finds Jackson sitting next to him. “You fainted.”

“Huh?” Jinyoung rubs his eyes as he props himself up on his elbow.

“Yeah, after you read half of the article about Jaebum coming out.”

“Fuck,” He grits through his teeth. “I thought I had been imagining it all.” Hand flying to his hair, pulling at the roots.

“Text him.” Jackson urges.

Jinyoung remembers his sisters pushing Jinyoung to talk to Jaebum but it’s been months since then. He’s tried to several times but he’s just too embarrassed. “I don’t know.”

“Stop holding back and just do it,” Jackson nearly yells. Jinyoung’s eyes open in surprise, Jackson’s never been the one to curse or even yell in irritation. “Mark was there when Jaebum had confessed to you, he told me everything from when you entered the gym and to when you got into your car and drove away.” He’s sat up straighter. His back away from the headboard. His upper body looming over Jinyoung’s. “He told you he loved you so why are you scared to talk to him? You literally have nothing to lose.”

“I-”

“Just please,” Jackson’s tone softens and he’s back to being the endearing person he is. “It hurts me to see you hurt when you can just fix it with one text or call.”

Again, Jackson is right. He doesn’t have anything to lose. He’s already lost Jaebum.

“Okay.”

 

  
Him and Jaebum end up texting for hours. He had replied to Jaebum’s text from earlier that morning, it was just a simple,  _ Hi Jinyoung, _ with a cat emoji. It was such a simple text yet it had managed to make Jinyoung swoon. 

No one brought up the break up or the Naver article, there was no need to. Jaebum has other things to worry about and although, Jinyoung had brought him pain, he might be an outlet for Jaebum; Finding ease with someone who was part of his life. Jinyoung assumes Jaebum’s phone must be blowing up yet the older decides to continue to talk to him.

 

**Im Jaebum**

 

_ When’s your next day off? _

 

_ I mean _

 

_ You said your boss barely gives you any _

 

_ But she’s lenient with ur lunch time  _

_ which doesn’t make sense but uh… _

 

_ I mean. I’m not asking to hang out or anything _

 

Jinyoung bites his lip, trying to suppress his laugh. His heart flutters at Jaebum’s dorkiness. He hasn’t changed one bit and it makes him feel like there’s a warmth blanketing over him. 

 

_ Hyung, please, hahha _

 

_ Yea we can hang out on my next day off _

 

_ It’ll actually be tomorrow, are you free? _

 

_ Okay yeah that works I’m done with  _

_ the kids around three, can I pick u up? _

 

Jinyoung’s thumb hovers over the keyboard. He would hate to drive but if things don’t go well, he doesn’t want to have to sit through a car ride with Jaebum. He supposes he could use public transportation on his way home, but the walk to his apartment from the subway station is more than half a mile. And, he’s never been the type to take a taxi. He sighs, before typing his response and pressing send. 

 

_ It’s ok hyung, i’ll just drive :) _

 

_ Did you want to go anywhere specific?  _

 

_ Hm, just come over I’ll cook us something _

 

A breath gets caught in his throat and he begins to cough dramatically. He thrashes around, hitting his bed while still coughing. Jackson just looks at him with a raised eyebrow, he knows Jinyoung’s alright. “Jackson,” He finally breathes out. “Jaebum just invited me over tomorrow.” 

“You should go.” Jackson says, eyes glued to his phone. Probably playing Candy Crush or Angry Birds, maybe Piano Tiles if Jackson’s feeling adventurous.

“What?” Jinyoung clears his throat then sits up.

“Jaebum isn’t a complete stranger.” He states obviously.

Jinyoung just nods. He knows what Jackson means. He sits back down and brings his attention back to his chat with Jaebum.

 

_ You still remember what _

_ my favorite food is, right? _

 

_ Of course I do _

 

_ Who do you think I am? Haha _

  
  
  


 

 

It takes about ten minutes before Jinyoung is brave enough to ring Jaebum’s door bell. There’s still that initial jitter, but if he doesn’t do it now, he’ll just end up going back home. Like Jackson said,  _ Jaebum isn’t a complete stranger.  _ A scared finger makes its way to the door bell, he hasn’t even fully pressed it but he can already hear the knob turning. The door opens quickly and reveals a sweaty Jaebum sporting an apron with cats on it. 

“Hi.” Jinyoung says with a tiny wave. He hopes his nervousness isn’t showing.

Jaebum smiles at him, almost shooing away Jinyoung’s worries. “Come in, it’s quite chilly.”

They finish dinner peacefully. They chatted here and there, Jinyoung talking about Youngjae and how he was so excited to be finally learning how to play basketball and Jaebum spoke about the process of finding the right people to work for him and a construction company willing to finish the project in a short time. Jinyoung wanted to bring up their confrontation but whenever he thought it was the perfect time to intervene, Jaebum had already sparked up another subject to talk about. 

Now, they’ve moved onto the couch, Jaebum on one end and Jinyoung on the other. Wine glasses filled nearly to the brim and  _ 13 going on 30  _ playing on Jaebum’s T.V. Jinyoung wants to pay attention but he can’t. He’s in Jaebum’s home right now, acting like nothing has happened in the past year, hell, in the past two days. Jaebum just sits on his couch nonchalantly, wine glass in his hand, taking small sips ever so often. Jinyoung doesn’t know what he’s waiting for but he’s tired of the anticipation.

“Hyung.” Jinyoung blurts out. He kind of freezes, not knowing where to even start.

Jaebum sets down his wine glass on the coffee table and shifts his position, facing Jinyoung. “Yeah?”

Jinyoung turns too, his head down. “I’m sorry,” He starts.  _ Talk to him _ , Jackson’s voice echoes in his head. “For everything.” He clarifies.

“What do you mean?” Jaebum asks. He seems confused and it surprises Jinyoung.

He looks up at Jaebum, looking for something, anything, some sort of anger or sadness, but nothing. “For breaking up with you without a proper explanation, for practically ghosting you before then and just, a few days ago, I’m sorry that I had made you come out to the whole country. You must have been so-” Jinyoung sighs, relaxing his shoulders, looking down again. His fingers playing with one another, picking at the hangnails. “So scared to do so, yet you did it.”

Without realizing, Jaebum had made the gap between them smaller. His warmth softly radiating. “All of those things, Jinyoung,” His voice, smooth, sweet, reminiscent to honey and it makes Jinyoung melt. “It’s in the past. I’ve accepted that you’ve broken up with me, I’ve accepted that I’ve made mistakes-”

“Hyung, no!” He interrupts Jaebum frantically, “You didn’t make any mistakes. I did!” He admits, pressing his hands onto his chest. “I didn’t tell you what I was feeling, I didn’t tell you what went on in my mind, I just walked away.”

“Then, tell me.” Jaebum says. “Tell me how you felt, how you feel.” He closes the gap even more, scooting closer. Close enough for their knees to touch and for Jaebum’s hand to freely caress Jinyoung’s inner thigh.

“I felt like a balloon, being inflated to the point of bursting. Being pulled apart, ripping at the seams. You not being there for hours, days, weeks, it was pushing me to the edge.” His lip softly trembles, suddenly remembering the night’s he had to spend by himself, waking up in the morning with the sheets cold.

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum’s hand feeling warmer than before and it takes almost everything for Jinyoung to not embrace Jaebum. “If you had told me, I would have dropped everything and-”

Jinyoung shakes his head,  _ no _ , “I wouldn’t have allowed you, you were working. I was selfish and only thought about myself.”

“You weren’t,” Jaebum sighs, his hand moving back towards him, his palm now at Jinyoung’s knee. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you felt that way. We were always together before then, we saw each other very often, then all of a sudden I started to become more busy, my schedule was always packed,” Before Jinyoung could speak, Jaebum softly put his hand up, signaling to halt. Jinyoung did so and shrunk further into the couch. “It was packed because I didn’t learn how to say no, I was trained to say yes. I should have thought about you and how you must have felt-”

“Hyung,” Jinyoung pipes, successfully interrupting Jaebum. “I didn’t have a career back then, you did. I  _ understood  _ you. That’s the thing,” He explains, “I understood where you were coming from, you’re a star, Im Jaebum. You have fans, all of South Korea are in the palm of your hand. Whereas, at the time, I was a freelance writer, I had no direction. I felt like a burden, I felt selfish wanting you to myself so I just, I decided to-” Jinyoung gets cut off, a thumb grazing the tops of his cheeks, wiping away the tears.

“Look,” Jaebum’s hand that was on his knee is now placed on Jinyoung’s cheek, a chill runs up his spine as he feels the warmth of Jinyoung’s skin against his. “That’s all in the past. My career has moved further up and you,” Jinyoung just can’t help but cry, Jaebum’s voice too soft and too caring. “Finally have started yours. I didn’t lose my faith in you, I knew that you’ll become successful.”

“So, you think being successful means getting admitted to the hospital due to over-exhaustion?” Jinyoung giggles through the tears, his hand meeting Jaebum’s. He nuzzles to Jaebum’s palm, finding comfort in him.

“God, when Jackson told me, I almost fainted. I couldn’t image you in that state.”

Jaebum just feels so damn warm and everything feels so right, yet there’s something that’s holding Jinyoung back and he can’t explain what it is. Jinyoung just closes his eyes, letting the final tears fall. He savors this, him and Jaebum on the couch of Jaebum’s apartment, legs molded together, hands on top one another.

“I love you.” Jaebum says, breaking the silence.

Jinyoung eyes slowly open, looking into Jaebum’s eyes and seeing nothing but honesty and sincerity. He wants to say it back, but.

“I-”

“You don’t have to say it back. I just want you to know that I do. I don’t care anymore, what people think. I’ve read the articles, I’ve watched the videos, I’ve read the comments but nothing will stop me from being happy with you.”

Jinyoung’s eyes water again, he bites his lip, trying to supress the tears.

He goes home just an hour later. They finish the movie with Jinyoung’s head on Jaebum lap and a blanket draped on top of them. Jaebum gives him a tupperware filled with the food they had eaten and also leaves a lingering kiss on Jinyoung’s cheek.

Jinyoung goes into his car with a blush on his cheeks and a lighter heart.

  
  


 

 

 

Jackson isn’t home by the time he comes back. The living room lights are on though, which is something him and Jackson agreed on doing. If they’re off, that means someone is home and if they’re on, then one of them has gone out. He walks into the kitchen and places the tupperware into the fridge, taking a water bottle out as he does so. He takes a sip then rips the label off, letting Jackson knows it’s his. He slams the fridge closed and leans against the counter top of their kitchen. 

The last hour he spent with Jaebum, he forgot about everything, everything they’ve gone through and everything he’s gone through. It’s ridiculous, thinking about it now. If Jinyoung had just talked to Jaebum, telling him everything then he most likely would’ve have broken up with him. But he really did need to think about his future, he couldn’t be living off of Jaebum forever. He wouldn’t let himself.

Now, he has a stable job, a position that keeps escalating. As for Jaebum, he’s free to do anything. The whole country loves him, despite most of South Korea being homophobic. It warms him heart that most have looked passed his sexuality and focus more on his talent as a basketball player.  What else is there for them to worry about?

This apartment he’s shared with Jackson for five years now, it feels like just a place for Jinyoung to sleep at, to shower in, and to work in. It never felt like home, but being with Jaebum, being in Jaebum’s arms, that felt like home.

He accepts this realization and quickly grabs his keys, running out the door.

  
  
  


 

 

Jackson opens the door and finds that the lights are still on. He lets go of Mark’s hand and looks at his watch.  _ 23:37 _ . “Hm,” He hums. “I thought Jinyoung would be home by now.”

“Has he texted you at all since he’s been with Jaebum?” Mark asks, nudging Jackson away from the entrance so he could close the door.

Jackson quickly checks his phone. “No, nothing.”

“They might have made up?” Mark wonders. It could be a possibility. Jaebum isn’t as stubborn as he was before and being around children all the time, his heart has softened quite a bit. But, Jinyoung on the other hand, he’s always been hard headed and had too much pride.

“I hope they had. They don’t need to be partners again, you know? I just want them to be friends.” Jackson says, opening the fridge, searching for something to eat. While roaming around, he notices a water bottle that had been dranken out of. He didn’t see it earlier today and the label has been removed, meaning that it’s Jinyoung’s. “Jinyoung was here.” He blurts out.

“Hm?”

“Should I check his location?” Jackson asks Mark, lifting his head away from the refrigerator door.

Mark nibbles his lip for a little, most of their friends have their locations; for safe measures. He doesn’t check it constantly, feeling a tad intrusive when he does so. But, Jinyoung always tells Jackson where he’ll be going so there wouldn’t be any worrying. “It won’t hurt if you did.”

So, Jackson checks and he nearly drops his phone at the sight.

“What?” Mark asks, making his way over to Jackson. He moves next to him, looking at his phone. Instantly, he recognizes the address.

  
  
  
  
“What are you doing here?” Jaebum asks, finding Jinyoung at his front door. He’s a little suspicious, Jinyoung couldn’t have left anything here. He made sure before Jinyoung left. 

“I love you.” Jinyoung blurts out. Not realizing that would come out of his mouth, Jinyoung immediately brings his hands to his mouth. He didn’t want to say that at the get go, but his mind had other plans.

Jaebum is surprised at first, then softens. His eyebrow raises and his shoulder meets with the threshold, arms crossing over his chest, posture relaxing. “Are you sure?” He asks, teasing the man in front of him. Of course, he’s sure. Jinyoung never questions himself.

Jinyoung lets his hands fall, taking a deep breath before saying, “Yes, I’m sure.”

A hand appears in front of Jinyoung. He grabs it instantly, letting himself be led again.

Their lips meet slowly, testing the waters. Soon enough, Jinyoung just wants everything. Jaebum can feel Jinyoung’s tongue prod against the seam of his lips, he complies, letting Jinyoung explore his mouth. It feels so familiar yet so new. They’ve grown together and apart. Coming back to one another in a new light feels so weightless, so right, their bodies fitting with each other so perfectly.

Jaebum’s hands feel hot against the bottom of Jinyoung’s back, fingertips searing and palms sending rushes of heat through his veins. The fingertip’s resting on Jaebum’s neck try to find purpose at the hair there, Jinyoung searching for something at the nape of Jaebum’s neck. Once he realizes what it is, he separates from him, bewilderment swirling in his eyes.

“What happened to your mullet?” Jinyoung asks, hands playing idly with whatever left of Jaebum’s hair, chest puffing in and out as he controls his breathing.

“Cut it off,” Jaebum kisses Jinyoung shortly before continuing his response. “Needed something new.”

Before Jinyoung could reply, Jaebum latches his lips on his once again. Their kisses become less heated, less desperate. They’ve become more languid, more relaxed. It makes Jinyoung’s heart bloom, realizing they’ve never lost their rhythm. Jinyoung pushes, Jaebum pulls.

To Jinyoung’s surprise, his back comes in contact with Jaebum’s mattress. His legs open, inviting Jaebum between them. The hands on Jaebum’s neck move inward, Jinyoung’s arms now enveloping him, bringing him closer. One of Jaebum’s hands trail downward from beside Jinyoung’s head, it lowers itself down Jinyoung’s side, down to his waist, to hip and to his thigh, caressing the soft skin there.

Jaebum parts from him slowly and Jinyoung chases him, wanting, needing more from him. But, Jaebum is resists Jinyoung, really needing to blurt the question. He hopes he’s reading Jinyoung correctly. “Do you want to go further?”

“God, yes. Yes, Jaebum. Please.” Jinyoung nearly pleads.

And that’s all the conformation Jaebum needs.

Their clothes are thrown in different directions. Jinyoung’s to the left, shirts thrown behind Jaebum, trousers to the right. All of the garments where they aren’t needed.

Lips and hands are everywhere but nowhere near where they wanted to be touched.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung whines at Jaebum’s lips on sucking on the skin near his areola. A hand goes straight to Jaebum’s hair, slightly tugging at the roots in frustration. “God, please.”

Jaebum chuckles, teeth grazing the blooming red mark. Jinyoung whines again, trashing his hips up, hard cock rubbing against Jaebum’s stomach. Jaebum growls deeply, a sound coming deep from his chest, before he latches onto a hardened nub, sucking lighty, just like how he knows Jinyoung likes it. He lets his mouth water, the saliva making it even more slippery and it makes Jinyoung moan loudly.

“Oh, fuck.” Jinyoung winces in frustration.

“Tell me what you want, Jinyoung.” Jaebum says, lips grazing Jinyoung’s toned stomach, nose nuzzling at the trail of hair.

“You, just you.” Jinyoung chokes out in a sob as Jaebum’s mouth comes in contact with his clothed erection. 

Jinyoung hears a mumbled,  _ Okay _ , and Jaebum separates from Jinyoung, sitting up at his knees. Jinyoung groans, looking at Jaebum’s strained cock, the outline so evident under the light grey boxers. There’s a damp patch right at the head of Jaebum’s cock and Jinyoung just needs to lick at it.

He looks up slowly, finding that Jaebum is looking at him the most fond way and he feels like his body is melting under his gaze. He reaches to touch Jaebum’s neck, rubbing the back of his ear. “What’s wrong?” Jinyoung asks, his desperation slightly fading away.

“Nothing.” Jaebum shakes his head with a soft smile on his face. “I just missed you so much, I didn’t think we would be like this,” Jaebum’s hand goes to his waist, “Again.” He emphasizes, squeezing at the flesh.

“Remember when we first had sex?” Jinyoung giggles, his free hand going to Jaebum’s hip, urging him forward.

Jaebum just rolls his eyes at this. “Yes,” He chuckles, dipping down to leave a weightless kiss on Jinyoung’s nose. “Thinking about it, we were pretty nasty.” He says, their noses rubbing against each other.

A soft shiver runs up Jinyoung’s spine as he feels Jaebum’s breath fan over his lips. “It was hot, though.”

“You’re hot.” Jaebum says, chuckling deeply then moving to the side to latch his lips right below Jinyoung’s jaw.

“So are you.” A groan leaves Jinyoungs lips and his hands find themselves at the waist band of Jaebum’s boxers. He tugs them down and immediately envelopes Jaebum’s erection in his hand. It’s a tad dry so Jinyoung moves his hand to palm at the head of Jaebum’s cock, spreading the pre-come.

Jaebum moans into Jinyoung’s neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “Jinyoung-ah.”

The foreplay doesn’t last long as Jinyoung’s desperation creeps back and it radiating to Jaebum. As Jinyoung sucks on the head of his dick, Jaebum reaches for the lube and box of condoms in the drawer of his night stand. Jinyoung’s mouth is so fucking warm and so familiar, so right, it makes Jaebum nearly come. He forgot how thick and strong Jinyoung’s tongue is that when the younger prods at the slit, he bucks his hips up too hard, nearly coming again and dropping the box of condoms onto the floor.

Jaebum doesn’t want to but he pushes Jinyoung off him and flips them over. There’s a rush of want and Jaebum angrily removes Jinyoung’s briefs. “Are you clean?” Jaebum asks, his mouth eating his words a bit.

Jinyoung nods, “Of course I am.” Jinyoung hooks his arms around the backs of his knees, exposing his entrance to Jaebum.

Jaebum trembles at Jinyoung’s willingness. When they first began to date, Jinyoung never showed the interest of topping until Jackson had brought up the topic. It was their fifth date and their third double date. They had just finished dinner and wanted to end the night at a Karaoke bar. Jaebum still remembers Jackson’s exact words,  _ Has Jinyoung topped yet? He’s a hoe for a tight asshole. _ Jinyoung nearly tackled Jackson to the ground, he would have done it if Mark wasn’t holding him back.  _ Jackson! _ Jinyoung yelled, thrashing at Jackson again. Jaebum was so confused, he didn’t know what to make out of it. Yes, Jinyoung had rimmed him, fingered him even, but never asked to fuck him. To be honest, there was no going back so he wasn’t afraid of the thought of all.  _ I didn’t think you wouldn’t be okay with it,  _ Jinyoung had told him,  _ I want you to be comfortable. _ Jaebum was so confused, he thought he was as transparent as he could be with Jinyoung at the time.  _ Don’t be scared to ask me anything, the worst thing I could say is no.  _ That night, Jinyoung had let all his worries go, fucking Jaebum so well that Jaebum’s interest in topping had completely disappeared.

“Fuck me, Im Jaebum, make love to me.” Jinyoung says, smiling at Jaebum. He lets go of his legs and embraces Jaebum, bringing him close enough to kiss him tenderly. He lets him free, his arms stay at Jaebum’s neck, languidly dangling. “Please.”

Jaebum opens up Jinyoung carefully, despite Jinyoung’s pleads, telling him that’s ready. He leaves countless of kisses around Jinyoung’s face, nipping at Jinyoung’s cheeks, in love with the softness. He’s always loved playing with Jinyoung’s gum drop cheeks, so soft to the touch and whenever he had pinched them, Jinyoung’s reaction was the most adorable, he always pushed Jaebum away with a pout adorning his face. 

A third finger enters Jinyoung and his heat just takes it in, swallowing Jaebum’s fingers eagerly. “Hand me a condom,” He mumbles at Jinyoung’s jaw. A few beats later, he hears a foil packet open and feels Jinyoung’s long fingers roll the latex down his shaft. “Ah.” Jaebum breathes.

“Come on, hyung. I’m ready.” Jinyoung urges him, daintily lining Jaebum’s cock to his entrance.

Jaebum’s thrusts are slow, filled with purpose. His lips hover over Jinyoung’s, letting out strings of compliments and reassurances, telling him how beautiful he is, how much Jaebum’s missed him, and how much he loves him. At every brush of their lips, Jinyoung whines, bucking his hips to meet Jaebum’s. Finally,  _ finally _ , Jaebum kisses him and instantly, Jinyoung kisses back, his lips sucking at Jaebum’s bottom lip, he bites it before slightly opening his mouth, letting Jaebum’s tongue roam.

Jaebum says something into his mouth, he doesn’t catch it but he chooses to ignore it, suddenly focusing on Jaebum’s change in angle. Jaebum pushes forward, Jinyoung’s knees nearly touching the mattress. Jaebum’s thrusts quicken, the head of his cock hitting his prostate at every intrusion. Whimpers and short moans continue to fall out of Jinyoung’s mouth, he tries to squeeze out Jaebum’s name but the elder is fucking him so well that only incoherent whines leave his mouth. Jinyoung clenches then and all of a sudden, Jaebum’s thrusts go even harder, the drag of his cock against Jinyoung’s walls intoxicating.

“Jinyoung-ah.” Jaebum groans and Jinyoung feels his cock twitch inside of him. There’s a slight pause in Jaebum’s movements and his cock twitches, releasing his seed into the condom, but not even a beat later, Jaebum begins to fuck him even faster, hitting Jinyoung’s prostate with every thrust. Jaebum grabs Jinyoung’s cock, aiming to help him with his release.

Jaebum matches the strokes of his wrist with his thrusts, the constant rubbing at Jinyoung’s bundle of nerves, the thumb pressing into the slit of Jinyoung’s cock and Jaebum’s whispers of love into his mouth is all he needs to come. Jinyoung’s orgasm hits him at the last ministration at the crown of cock, feeling his release spill onto his stomach. He lets his body go slack, boneless.

Not even realizing it, Jaebum is walking back to him with a damp towel, wiping at his stomach and between his legs, cleaning him up gently. He goes back to the restroom to discard the towel and when he returns he immediately cradles Jinyoung into his arms, forcing him to stand up. There’s a whisper of,  _ One second,  _ and Jinyoung just nods, mind still hazy from his orgasm. He feels himself fall back down onto the bed, new sheets? He doesn’t know. Jaebum is away from him again, but soon enough, he feels a blanket tucked into him and an arm around his waist. Jaebum’s lips right by his ear.

Before slumber takes over, Jinyoung hears, “It’ll always be you, no matter where, when, why and how. I love you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ two weeks later _

 

Jinyoung pats Jaebum’s chest, getting rid of any dust remaining on his suit. “Are you ready?” He asks, adjusting Jaebum’s tie. Jaebum  _ has  _ to look perfect. 

“Of course, I am.” replies Jaebum, a smile tugging on his lips as he continues to watch Jinyoung prepare him.

Jinyoung just hums, adjusting little things here and there. Jaebum watches him intently, looking at Jinyoung’s deft fingers flattening out pieces of fabric and picking at any pieces of lint. His lashes flutter so beautifully and Jaebum just wants to touch them with his.

“Jaebum, any time now,” Mark calls out, peeking into Jaebum’s dressing room. “The reporters are waiting.”

Okay, maybe he isn’t ready. There’s a sudden nervousness that creeps on him, and it eats at his veins slowly. He’s prepared for this, acting out scenes with his employees and Jinyoung asking him predictable questions out of the blue. There’s no point in backing out now. This press conference has been the talk of the nation for days now, waiting for Jaebum’s full return to the public eye.

Seconds later, there’s a hand at his cheek. Jaebum exhales, needing to relax his nerves. He can do this. With Jinyoung by his side, he feels like he could do anything.

“You’ll do fine,” Jinyoung reminds him, thumb softly rubbing at his cheek.  _ Tell them everything, Hyung. You owe your fans that. _ Jinyoung had told him. And he’s right. “If you feel unsure, just look around and find me, I’ll be right there.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't think it would take me this long to update but i feel like for the last three chapters i havent been putting my all into them so for this one, i've really... idk what to even say but my blood sweat nd tears have gone into this chapter. i made sure that the characters have really shown their growth and that jaeb nd jinyoung will be going back together with a clean slate hehe 
> 
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> i hope you all loved this fic as much as i did :)
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> ps
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> thank u for all my mutuals on twitter who have helped me with this chapter, im sorry i made yall read this over and over again (i bet it got sickening jdfnsjdf)
> 
> also special thanks to jas for writing that itty bitty naver article, love u to bits


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